I am having a Confirmation party for my daughter and do not want to invite my sister-in-law. I have known her for 20+ years and she has been very difficult for all those years, but I have always kept the peace because she is married to my husband’s brother. Two years ago she alienated me, as well as my children and husband, because (in her words) I don’t like and comment on her social media posts as much as I do other people’s and that really hurt her.
My mother got sick last year and was given six months to live. My SIL never reached out once. My mother passed away, my SIL showed up briefly to her wake, she was late, she sat in the foyer the whole time, and she left early. She did not attend her funeral. It’s been six months since my mother’s passing and my sister-in-law has continued to ignore me as well as her nieces and nephews. I find this extremely hurtful, especially since it’s because of social media (?!).
My husband feels I have to invite her and his brother to the Confirmation party, but I feel justified in not doing so. Can you offer any advice or insight? Anything would be extremely appreciated. — Annoyed SIL
She sounds like an awful person, and I don’t blame you for keeping your distance and not liking her. But I think NOT inviting her to your daughter’s Confirmation, especially when that means not inviting your husband’s brother, is actually going to take up so much more psychic space and create so much more drama in your life with her at the center of it, than just inviting her and ignoring her while she’s there.
I get that you want to hurt her in the way she’s hurt you, but there’s no point. She does not sound like someone who is self-reflective enough to see the lesson you’re trying to teach her. She’s not going to recognize any wrong-doing on her part or the possibility that she’s hurt your feelings. If you leave her off the guest list, she’ll probably trash-talk you to other family members and on social media and then, after twenty years of you sucking it up to keep the peace, you’ll suddenly have all the drama on your hands. I say invite her to the Confirmation party, avoid her while she’s there (if she even shows up), and don’t waste any more of your energy thinking about it.
